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send2
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 01-02-2013 Location: UK
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posted on 01-02-2013 at 23:26 |
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35 year old virgin male in the UK
I am a 35 year old virgin. I had never intended to be, I just seem to have found myself here.
It is difficult in this day and age surrounded everywhere by sex; in advertising,the internet, films, TV and just out and about. There is a constant external reminder that we should having sex; this is only really a problem depending on the reason for abstaining and my reason has changed over years.
I have always been shy, especially around girls; I not going to into reasons here but whether it was my problem or theirs, I didn't have much interest from them. I was the "nice guy" or "cute" but as a teenager (at least with the girls I was interested in) this wasn't what they were looking for. The few girls that were interested in me, I didn't feel the same way. If it wasn't the person I was interested in then no substitute would do. I was (and still am) quite shallow, I am a sucker for a pretty face. When I was younger I had a particular type, that has changed over the years and now I just have to find something attractive with that person but looking at the girls and women I have been interested in have all been pretty girls (and this isn't just my view).
I hadn't kissed a girl until I was about 22, mainly because I hadn't dated anyone till then, but we'll come to that. During college I had more female friends than guys, having gone from all boys schools to mixed. While at university my friends could see that nothing was really going on with me, they didn't really see me with girls and didn't hear about my exploits; so on my 21st birthday during a night out them convinced me to visit a prostitute. I have always been someone who had been very sexually aware of them self, even from around the age of 5; so sexual feelings didn't scare me, in fact I craved them. So I found myself with this prostitute, she was kind of attractive but did I really want to loose my virginity to this woman? Most of the guys I knew (or at least they lead me to believe) had lost theirs somewhere between 16 and 18. I didn't want to, she wasn't the right person, it had to mean something, but I was there now so I got a blowjob; my first and only blowjob.
I had a female best friend from college, she was pretty and had a great personality, we got on really well and were very comfortable with each other. As it turned out we had both liked each other, everyone else knew, she probably did but I wasn't sure how she felt at the time; since we always got on very well but she would never spend time with me alone and I couldn't just ask her, that would have been too easy. A couple of years later while we where both at separate universities, and while she was single she visited me and I took the opportunity to kiss her. Well she jumped down my throat, literally; so it was most definitely reciprocated. We started to see each other and to see someone who you already knew and trusted, it didn't get much better than than that. It was doomed from the start, we were different religions and for her this would turn out to be a problem, also she didn't want to have sex until she was married, it was something that she wanted to give to her husband. I was in love with her, though I can't say how she really felt. One day everything was fine and quite literally the next day our little relationship was over; to day I still don't really know what happened. While I was with her I could definitely see a long term future with her, I didn't need anyone else and I found that I had lost contact with all the other girls I used to know. So now that things were over I took it very badly and I felt abandoned by someone I trusted implicitly, I couldn't talk to my best friend about it because she was the one that did it. Well this scarred me.
So I went back to how I was before, liking women but now being even more fearful of them. I hadn't had sex before because I hadn't had the opportunity, now I was about 25 and by now it was I was fearful of it all. By my age people were getting married and were having kids and I hadn't had sex yet, not once. Around this time someone close to me passed away and my religious side kicked in; I was where I was meant to be. I wasn't meant to have sex before marriage and I hadn't, this was nothing to be ashamed of and was something to be proud of; that girl all those years ago had the right idea and I was glad that she had been strong for the both of us and hadn't slept with me.
As I mentioned before, sex is all around us and I still wanted to have sex, I still had the urge but now I am older. I still had never been on a proper date and not seen anyone since university. Just because two people like each other it doesn't mean that they will jump into bed together but now my inexperience had become a weight holding me back in other areas of my life. It left me feeling like a bit of a fraud, I told a couple of friends that I was still a virgin and they didn't initially believe me but as I had to explain to them, I'm a guy everything around me tells me I should have had sex by now why would I lie about it.
I believe that it has become so big in my life that it has a negative psychological effect on me and it is a rite of passage that that I should have got past 15-20 years ago, after all there are kids who weren't alive then that are having sex now. People say you shouldn't judge yourself based on other people but it is bit difficult when not only are not getting it frequently but you have not had it at all.
So I decided that I was no longer not going to have sex, if the opportunity arose and it felt right I would take it; but I've written this so we know that turned out. That barrier is still there. There has been occasions when someone I have been interest in has been interest in me and I have noticed or someone else has told me, everything seems positive initially then it all kind of goes away before anything has really started. I don't know if I suddenly turn cold or give of another vibe or maybe I come across desperate, I can't tell.
About 3 years ago I started think about going to see an escort. I would have some control over the proceedings, I could choose someone I liked, someone who knew what they were doing and who I wouldn't have the added pressure of feeling I had to impress. About a year ago my libido dropped suddenly to the point where masturbation was just going through the motions just to check that all the equipment still works without any real enjoyment, this was a huge change for me going from someone who enjoyed sexual pleasure. But I haven't been to see an escort for a couple of other reasons. It wouldn't be real, it is important to me that the woman want to be there with me. Although I want to have sex I really want intimacy and I want to get passed the not having had sex thing but I don't really want it to be a one off thing. I would prefer it to be with someone I am in a relationship with so that loosing it is special and the act itself means something. Although my libido has dropped that feeling of wanting and needing to loose my virginity has not gone away but I don't see my situation changing.
I don't know if this little story is of help to anyone else but I do hope my situation changes; I don't want to get to the stage where I am the title of a film.
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wishbone
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 01-17-2013 Location:
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posted on 01-17-2013 at 15:44 |
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wow...
You are a few years ahead of me but everything else is exactly my story - the thoughts, the reasons, you could be me, its quite scary actually!
I've also contemplated escorts but, i think it would feel too stressful and fake, and knowing myself, i cant help but wonder if this this wouldn't be more than enough reason for the little toy soldier not to stand at attention when called upon... not quite the memory i would want for my 1st time!
i guess we just have to keep our head's up and hope for that moment to arrive!
what can i say? good luck and thanks for your story, it always helps to know i'm not the only one in this situation!
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